Dian asked:

How is it possible for somebody to be "lonely in a crowd" — not anonymous but a crowd of "friends"?
One tells others what they expect, want, need or should hear. Can't we truly communicate, exchange
feelings, beliefs, opinions without — willingly or unwillingly — offending others and breaking the
unwritten rules of socialising? It's almost like an interaction of pretenders; all express one thing
verbally and a completely different thing with their actions. Where's consistency? Can't our souls
make contact at all? This makes one "frozen" inside like he belongs nowhere, everything seems
hollow. Is this a weird form of anxiety, normal at the modern civilization or an unusual psychological
situation revealing a "disturbed" personality? People can understand each other; can't they?

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If this what you feel then it is a psychological problem but not necessarily anxiety or a personality
disorder. It could just issue from your age and circumstances. It is not at all uncommon. I expect that
a lot of people would know what you are talking about. However, normally it would be the case that a
person may feel alienated within a particular group of a certain type of people and yet still be able to
feel rapport with someonein that group.

Your current friends may well be "consistent" and not pretending at all. How do you know what they're
like inside? They may truly not be interested in the beliefs and opinions of others.

Hopefully, you will meet different people with whom you can find a rapport, people who speak the
same language as you, from "inside", as it were. These are the people whom you will find
"consistent". When you meet such people you won't feel that there is any pretence. In fact, you may
meet people who seem to know you so well, you may wish there were social barriers. If souls make
contact, youcan't pretend!

The unwritten rules of socialising are there to protect us. You will know when you can break them:
You will be with people you get on with.

Of course, this isn't the case at the moment, but it is very much to your credit that you don't blame
your friends.

Rachel Browne