Why do I seem miserable and at odds with my own self when I fail to act virtuously or unselfishly?
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As you notice, a moral failure is distinctive because it involves conscience and a concern about what
others think of us. Also we want to think well of ourselves. There is not always a conflict between the
self and others, but it is often the case and because it makes us feel bad when we fail to act
unselfishly, moral thinking must have a very strong hold. The question is how and what sort of hold.
Supposedly we recognise moral principles and values because we are both rational and social.
Because we are rational we know what is good and understand the expectations put upon our
behaviour by others and because we are social we have emotional commitment to others insofar as
we care about their feelings.
It might be thought that there is an internal conflict and desire sometimes wins out over recognition of
duty, but conscience is both rational and emotional, and also the emotions cannot be detached from
the rational self. We always act for a reason, whether it is in our favour or another's but we can't
barely act for a reason because we need a motivating force in the form of desire. When we act
selfishly we do so because there are reasons and it is what we want. Sometimes this isn't so bad.
You can't be virtuous all the time.
As for an explanation of the grip morality has on us, my own tendency is to go for a psychoanalytical
explanation in terms of development of conscience by means of the internalisation of moral rules at a
very young age. The problem is that I'm not sure how this can account for moral failure in a particular
situation. However, the development of the self by means of interactions with others must contribute
to the weight others have in our considerations.