Autumn Rose asked:

Ever since I was a little girl, I've always pondered the thought of "the complete understanding of what
it means to be in-love" and how it is you know you are in-love. I am currently in the most serious
relationship of my very young life and i would be relieved to finally know... am I in love? I have
experienced infatuation, obsession, lust, and all the other feelings involved with "love". They say you
know when it happens. but do you really? For this man I would sacrifice my own feelings of happiness
if I thought it brought him more. I fall into complete satisfaction when I'm with him, we read each
other's thoughts (sometimes literally), and living in the moment has become living each day on cloud
nine. Physically and sexually, I've never been so comfortable with anyone. I could go on and on about
this fulfilling relationship, but I still question myself... am I truly in-love?

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I feel inclined to say that you don't know when you are in love and that love is infatuation. But there is
a difference that lies not in the ways you describe the relationship because insofar as reading each
others' minds, the sex and being on cloud nine goes, love and infatuation don't differ. That is
accounted for by the chemistry thing (see Glyn Hughes' answer to Luke at Answers 10). The question
is whether the chemical state you in are affects your ability to think. If you are able to think, I'd say
that you can know the difference if "you've got your head screwed on properly", as they say. You
have to know whether the qualities of the person are ones you admire and really suit you. If so, you
are not simply being foolish, and you can consider yourself in love. Your regard will deepen, and you
can even fall in and out with the person over the years, as well as becoming infatuated with other
people on the side. Wonderful!

The problem is that you may believe you know the qualities which suit you and which you admire, but
you can be wrong. Hopefully, if you can think about this clearly you can come to a correct conclusion.
I really believe that is possible to work this out, and that it is nonsense for people to claim they know
they're in love simply on the basis of feelings. It is so common for people to "fall in love" and then find
the person isn't right for them. That is infatuation, because it is foolish and not based on knowledge of
oneself and the other.

This is a letting your head rule your heart approach to love but, given that you have written in to ask
this question, you already seem to have adopted this approach.

Rachel Browne